This blog is about the
happy aspects of traveling to the California Central Coast: Santa Barbara, San
Luis Obispo and Monterey. But that doesn’t negate the seriousness of the
article I wrote originally for a Santa Barbara newspaper for National Missing
Children’s Day. My hope is that any of you who read this, regardless of where
you are in the world, will be more aware and attuned to this global problem –
our kids who go missing. Please share this information – and be mindful of what
is happening in your community. Please.
It’s
a sad commentary that we even have a National Missing Children’s Day - May 25th
- but we do. Every day in the U.S. approximately 2,300 children under the age
of 18 go missing, most voluntary, but many not. It’s
estimated that 200,000 children annually are abducted by family members, and
58,000 are abducted by non-family members. The recent kidnapping of over 200 Nigerian girls
by Boko Haran has highlighted a staggering problem not only across the globe,
but right here in Santa Barbara. Our kids are at risk: from abduction, online predators,
and physical sexual abuse which often is the root cause for kids to go missing
in the first place.
Tim
Hale is a Santa Barbara based attorney with the firm of Nye, Peabody, Stirling,
Hale & Miller, LLP who represent victims
of childhood sexual abuse in lawsuits against individuals and entities
including the Catholic Church, the Boy Scouts, and public and private schools that
have either failed to report or have actively tried to cover-up sexual abuse
committed by their employees and volunteers. He knows firsthand the devastating
effects our kids suffer. “Every
child reacts differently - some withdraw and shutdown emotionally, some act
with anger, sometimes with inappropriate sexual behavior, sometimes with
self-medication through substance abuse,” he says. “Our lawsuits seek not only a monetary recovery for our
clients’ injuries, but also the public release of a perpetrator’s personnel
file where his employer’s cover-up has allowed him to escape criminal
prosecution, rendering him unidentifiable to the public as a threat to
children,” says Mr. Hale.
The point is not to live in fear,
but to live wisely, to educate our kids and ourselves so we can mitigate those
threats. According to the California Department of Justice, in 2011, (the most
recent statistics available) there were 958 reports of missing children in
Santa Barbara County alone: 908 were reported runaways, 17 were reported
lost, 12 were reported family abductions, five were “suspicious circumstances,”
and 25 were unknown circumstances. In California, more than 90,000
children were reported missing that year. In 2013 there were nearly 495,000
missing persons under the age of 21 throughout America. Actual numbers of missing
children is something of a moving target. Some children go missing due to
natural disasters, some are voluntary runaways (the vast majority), some are endangered
runaways (classified as suicide risk, physical or mental conditions which might
cause them wander off, or circumstances where kids fled to or from some
danger), and some have been abducted by a family member, or a stranger. According
to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), an estimated
115 children annually are the victims of the most serious abductions and are either
murdered, ransomed or taken with the intent to keep. “The first three hours
are the most critical when trying to locate a missing child. Studies indicated
that 76 percent of abducted children who are killed are dead within three hours
of the abduction,” the NCMEC states. Regardless of the label given to any
missing child the Central Coast sees kids go missing in some cases to escape
sexual abuse at home, or after a prolonged online “friendship” with a predator.
Online Predators
According to the FBI one in 25
children ages 10 to 17 have received an online sexual solicitation where the
perpetrator then tried to make offline contact. “Predators seek youths
vulnerable to seduction, including those with histories of sexual or physical
abuse, those who post sexually provocative photos or video, and those who talk
about sex with unknown people online,” the FBI states. And this is clearly the
driving reason parents need to monitor their kid’s social media behavior because
with increased sexting (texting sexually suggestive words and pictures), there
is the increased likelihood a predator sees this as an easy target. “Boys who
are gay or questioning their sexuality are particularly at risk. 25 percent of
victims are boys and almost all of their offenders are male,” the FBI says. It
seems overwhelming, but being aware of, and admitting, these problems is
crucial to the safe-keeping of our kids.
What Adults Can Do
“Every day we hear stories about
children who escaped a would-be-abductor because someone talked to them about
what they should do in that situation.” says NCMEC’s CEO, John Ryan. “Education
and open communication are key to keeping children safer.” Obviously communication
is crucial, though it can be difficult. “I can’t say there’s a specific right
or wrong way to talk to your kids,” says Mr. Hale. “Every parent-child
relationship is different. What I can say is that you need to talk openly
and regularly, beginning with younger kids, about the fact their bathing suit
areas are theirs and theirs alone, and no one should touch them in those areas
except for mom or dad or select caregivers for younger children who still need
help wiping themselves.” More often than not these are not crimes of
violence, but of emotional manipulation. “It’s important the child understand
that no matter how nice a person is being, no matter what they are offering, no
matter what elevated status the person has in the child’s eyes, no one should
touch the child’s bathing suit areas,” Mr. Hale advises.
With kids who text there is code
that has developed, a shorthand language, many parents are clueless about
designed to keep texts secretive. For example: “wtgp” (want to go private?); “p911”
(parents are coming); “pir” (parent in room); “asl” (age/sex/location) and many
others. This covert language can be a clue to what your child is doing. Photos
on the other hand are less covert and may seem innocent enough. The website NetSmartz,
an on-line resource from the NCMEC, warns: “Posting your child's pictures
online could put them at risk for victimization. Using privacy settings to
limit access to your children's pictures can help protect them. However, you
need to be sure that only people you know and trust in real life are able to
see your pictures.” There is no particular way to prevent uploaded
photos from being copied. Frankly the only way to ensure no one uses your
images is to avoid uploading them in the first place. Even if you use coding to
prevent users from right-clicking and saving your pictures, anyone can still
screencapture an image, and remember, once an image is online, there is no
getting it back.
It’s
naive to tell children to think before posting photos when adults don’t
understand the potential issues either. So at the very least discuss parameters
with your kids: “Personal photos should not have revealing information, such as
school names or locations,” NetSmartz advises. “The background of any photo can
give out identifying information without realizing it. The name of a mall, the
license plate of your car, signs, or the name of your sports team on your
clothing all contain information that can give your family's location away.”
What Kids Can Do
Of
course it’s not merely what adults can do, but what kids themselves can do. First
and foremost they should tell their parents about any unwanted attention, sexual
or otherwise, either on-line or from an individual. “Hopefully parents
have created an environment where the child feels comfortable telling them such
things,” says Mr. Hale. “If telling a parent is not an option, they should
tell a trusted adult.” Under California law, most child custodians and
caregivers, such as teachers, youth group leaders, therapists, and doctors are
mandated to report to law enforcement if they have a reasonable suspicion a child
is being sexually abused and a mandatory reporter who fails to take action
is subject to criminal prosecution, Mr. Hale advises. Of course many
adults don’t want to get involved in someone else’s problem, it’s easier to
turn a blind eye, but that only perpetuates the matter. The biggest weakness of
parents? “Failing to recognize that anyone can be a perpetrator, that
perpetrators more often than not are not the scary looking figure in in the
shadows, and openly placing a person on such a high pedestal that a child is
terrified of speaking out about them,” says Mr. Hale. The simplest and most
obvious rule is the best one. “Perpetrators almost always use secrecy as a
weapon, therefore families need a policy of no secrets,” says Mr. Hale. If
nearly 1,000 Santa Barbara kids go missing each year, we need to be more
vigilant. We have the power to help keep our kids safe, and it’s up to us.
Missing Children’s Day Timeline
May 25th, 1979: Six year-old Etan Patz goes missing in New York. He has
never been found.
1979 to 1981: 29 children are murdered in Atlanta, all the result of one
man.
1981: Six year-old Adam Walsh is abducted and murdered in
Florida. His father, John Walsh, forms the first center for missing children,
later hosts America’s Most Wanted.
1982: Congress enacts the Missing Children’s Act.
1983: National Missing Children’s Day first observed by proclamation
of President Reagan.
1984: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is
founded.
1996: Amber Alert begins. As of April 2014, 688 missing children
have been successfully recovered.
